The next step, betrothal (nishan), follows within a month or so. A group of women, four or five or more, including the groom's mother, and kin and non-kin neighbours, pay a formal visit to the girl's home, accompanied, if the journey requires it, by two or three men. They are given a large ceremonial meal, which they reciprocate the next morning from supplies which they have brought with them. The men leave the women to make the acquaintance of their future affines, returning to fetch them after a day or two. The two groups of women spend the evenings in dancing and singing - strictly without men. They bring presents - ideally including gold ornaments - for the bride, and throw her coins when she dances for them.
During the betrothal period which follows, the couple are not supposed to see each other, and people say that the father will use violence if he discovers that his daughter has broken this rule. Nevertheless, couples normally do meet, with the connivance of the women of the bride's household. All fathers in fact know the custom, and are presumably normally careful not to make embarrassing discoveries. The groom is expected to visit the household of his betrothed from time to time, bringing her gifts, and these visits provide the necessary opportunities. Betrothals may last anything from a week or two to several years. A respectable engagement lasts months at least, and if the young man is away working or doing military service, or either household runs into misfortune, the delay may be much longer. Long engagements, I was told, are punctuated by visits similar to the original betrothal visit.
The unofficial courting of the betrothal period comes out into the open if an engagement is broken. Then it is said that the girl's honour is blemished because she has been secretly embraced by her betrothed, and thus her chances of a good marriage have been lost.
Formal childhood betrothal appears to be unknown. In one case, a widow promised her son's baby daughter to her new husband as a bride for his infant son, her new stepson. This promise was kept, but I was told it did not count as a betrothal, the ceremonies for which took place at the usual